Selecting the Right Wedding Officiant & Questions To Ask Them

OK, you're getting married, you've settled on a location and a date. Now, who is going to marry you?? While some couples go to their local church, others do not. But how do you find the person who is right for you?

 

Selecting the right person to perform your wedding ceremony can make the difference between a great ceremony and an OK ceremony. Either way it will be memorable. The question is; How will your wedding ceremony be remembered?

 

 

Here is a list of questions I've compiled that you should consider asking before signing a contract with an Officiant. These questions can be asked on your initial call before you actually meet. Based on the answers you receive, you may want to move forward with this person or move on to the next one on your list.

 

  Contract? Do I really need a contract?

 Simply put, Yes! You need to protect yourself and your wedding day. Your contract is your guarantee that you get what you and your Officiant have agreed to. Contracts are somewhat flexible so don't be afraid to ask for something to be included in it.

 

  How much do you charge to perform a wedding ceremony?

 Fees vary depending on who is performing, the day of the ceremony, the type of ceremony, the amount of work the Officiant has to do to prepare the ceremony. From what I've seen, the fees can range from $100.00 to $950.00.

 

  What is included in your fees?

 Some Officiants call them "Packages" and charge accordingly. Reverend Frank has 2 types of wedding ceremony services. One for a simple civil ceremony (not to be confused with New Jersey's Civil Union) and one for a full service ceremony. A Civil ceremony would include the ceremony and filing the license. As you go up the ladder with fees, you can expect more from your Officiant.

 

  Do you offer any discounts?

It never hurts to ask this question. Some Officiants offer a discount for active military personnel. All you have to do is ask.

 

  How many weddings do you officiate a year?

Really, what difference does it make? You have to remember that the Officiant, or anyone you hire, is actually interviewing for a job. Rather than ask a question that you may or may not get an straight and honest answer to, ask for references and don't be afraid to contact them. Don't forget, you're the boss!

 

  What makes you different from other local wedding Officiants? Why should I hire you?

Again, this question needs to be asked of the references but you should ask the Officiant as well.

 

 

  What are your standard payment terms?

Get this information up front and make sure it's in the contract in a way that's comfortable for you.

 

  How far are you willing to travel? Is there a travel fee? Do you require an overnight stay?

Officiants are typically in business and must cover their time and expenses. As such each has a different value on his/her time. Again, find out up front and make sure it's all laid out in the contract. Need to stick to a budget? Ask your caterer to recommend some local Officiants.


  What kind of pre-wedding counseling is required, if any?

While most Officiants do not require any pre-wedding counseling, some do. If at my first meeting with the couple I sense something that I think may need attention, I will suggest pre-wedding counseling.

 

  How long after the ceremony do you file for the official marriage license?

Believe it or not, some Officiants wait until the final payment check clears and if it doesn't clear, refuse to submit the license until payment is made.  Most municipalities have a time limit on submission of the license. Contact your local clerk and get this information first hand and be sure it's included in the contract.

 

  What documents do I need to bring to our first meeting?

At the very least, the bride and groom must bring photo ID. This is required for legal reasons so that the Officiant can verify you are who you say you are. Other than that, if you have an idea of type of ceremony, readings, etc, by all means bring them along.

 

  Will you marry couples of different faiths or previous divorce?

There really isn't much to be said here. Either the Officiant does or doesn't. If either different faiths or divorce applies to you, find out on your initial contact.

 

 

  How long does the ceremony usually last?

Some Officiants are out to break the land speed record and I've actually seen postings where the ceremony was completed in 3 minutes 48 seconds. The length of the ceremony depends on the ceremony, vows, readings, etc. There is no set value but you should figure on somewhere between 15 and 30 minutes.  


  Do you normally attend the reception?

Some Officiants do and some don't. This is something that should be done by invitation and not expectation. If you want your Officiant to attend then extend the invitation. Personally, I wouldn't stay for the dinner but would consider the cocktail hour to congratulate the couple and say hello to the guests. 


  Do you have a back up Officiant on call, in case of an emergency?

This is a very important question and the answer must be YES! The last thing you want is to hear that the Officiant can't make the ceremony due to accident, breakdown or whatever.  Also, it should be confirmed that the backup Officiant has a copy of the ceremony and that he/she will be available in an emergency.

 

  Will you allow us to write our own vows?

It's your day not the Officiants. Keep in mind that some Officiants have "cookie cutter" ceremonies. You should be able to modify your ceremony, vows, readings, etc. as you wish. A word of caution is that some Officiants will charge an extra fee for this service.

 

  Can we read or hear your ceremony before our wedding day?

Every ceremony should be finalized and agreed to by the bride, groom and Officiant at least a week before hand.

 

  In which states and communities are you licensed to officiate ceremonies?

Just because someone has been ordained does not mean that every municipality will accept them. Some cities, counties, town, etc require an Officiant to register. You should contact the clerk of the municipality you are going to be married in and ask what is required. The last thing you want is to find out after the fact that you're not married.

 

 

Need more information? Please contact me through my web site at www.ReverendFrank.com

 

Comment by Gerald Sousa on August 7, 2011 at 9:11am
you have some really good tips here and this will definitely help a lot of brides plan their weddings!
Comment by Rev. Frank Girello on August 7, 2011 at 9:39am
Thank you Gerald!
Comment by Jessica Fitzpatrick on August 7, 2011 at 9:57am
This really opened my mind. So many of my friends have questioned me on why it's been taking me so long to choose a wedding officiant and really it's because they are the person who is "hosting" my wedding ceremony, and I want it to be special in every way. This helps me, as a bride-to-be know exactly what I should be looking for and asking potential wedding officiants. It's very easy to get caught up in the moment and to not focus on the right issues when you plan your wedding, and it's tips and advice like this that gets me thinking wisely and helps me to plan my wedding with peace of mind. Got anymore advice? How about sharing some typical speeches or ceremonies to give brides ideas of a wedding ceremony overview? just a thought, but I am sure with you being an expert in wedding ceremonies that you have a lot of advice to give to brides like me who want to plan their wedding with peace of mind, and this article is exactly what I was looking for and needed, thank you. - Jessica
Comment by Rev. Frank Girello on August 7, 2011 at 10:33am

Jessica you just made the time I spent writing this blog well worth it. I hope others find it informative as you have - thank you!

As I think of more questions I feel you should ask an Officiant I'll do what I can to get them added.

A word about "typical" speeches or ceremonies? There should be nothing typical about yuor wedding. Think of a simple ceremony as a seed with your input as the sun and water. It's your ceremony to grow. Discuss the ceremony with your fiance and have the officiant perform it as you wish. It's your day! :)

Visit my web site www.ReverendFrank.com and if you'd like more personalized info,contact me.

Comment by Bianca Moran on August 11, 2011 at 3:03pm
yes, these are some great tips, we have a lot of the details planned for our wedding and we're getting ready to look for the right wedding officiant now, and this wedding blog definitely gives me some things to consider.

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